

There are tons of movies based on the very same idea and it works. And I get it - the idea that Snake Eyes lost his father and it put him on a path of revenge is also not a bad idea. I'm also not even remotely upset that Snake Eyes is now Asian-American and played by Henry Golding, who is a fine actor and really went all out to do the physicality that this movie needs. I understand that the Vietnam War was decades ago and the story needs to be updated. Snake Eyes is not a soldier in this movie. Look - if you plan on watching this movie and don't want perhaps its dumbest plot point spoiled - sneak out now. Joe from the silly cartoon stories***, an aging out audience that angrily only loves the comic and toys, and then there's the audience you want: the general ticket-buying public, the ones that actually make a movie successful.

The issue is that there's an audience that knows G.I. But what if, and go with us on this, there was a meteorite that people can use like a laser?" Snake Eyes looks at that source material, especially the central story of two sword brothers who fate has torn apart - actually, it's super close to Enter the Ninja - and says, "Well, we can do some of that. Joe has multiple comic books, toy lines and cartoons, but perhaps the best version of the story are the Marvel Comics that came out written by Larry Hama in which Snake Eyes was the central character**. Sure, the problem is that there's all sorts of source material. G.I. Snake Eyes has the same problem that comic book movies had before the Marvel Cinematic Universe did something incredibly simple: they just followed the source material.

I'm telling you all of this to tell you that there's no way that I can be objective about this movie. Hey, to be fair, Peter Cushing did this as well, so I cling to the knowledge that at least one respected person also played with toys, but I doubt Peter Wilton Cushing, OBE ever had a woman say to him, "Why do you have thirty of the same tank?*" I'm one of those maniacs that troop builds, which if you don't know, be happy that you're a normal human being and not devoted to buying and outfitting hundreds of the same army figures and building gigantic platoons of them. When I first started dating my wife, the entire upstairs of my house was devoted to this toyline. Did you know that they made an aircraft carrier that's bigger than your coffee table? I do. In addition to an entire room of our home being devoted to movies, there's an entire room for my collection. If you know me in person, the answer is probably yes. Have I ever told you how much I love G.I. Joe?
